One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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