Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
