we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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