my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
