I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
