I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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