I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
