she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
