I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Randomize
