I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
