butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
