I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Randomize
