i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
