I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
