Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He felt like a one man threesome
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
