the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
