So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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