stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
