party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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