No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
