I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize
