At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
