pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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