a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
