At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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