Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
