oh god the rape fog is back!
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
