You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
