You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Randomize
