So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
