Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
