I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
this just has baby written all over it
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
