Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
