My room smells like vodka and shame
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
