Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
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