Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He passed out mid-signature
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
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