Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
