If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
