ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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