she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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