just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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