im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Randomize
