We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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