I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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