He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
