I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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