HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
