All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
