i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I am naked and annoyed.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
