im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
